Just Around the Riverbend - Vices

[Ancelas]

As Vanya left Edith's wagon, she couldn't help but wonder at Alina's penchant for gathering strays - both the mundane and the extraordinary. But as Frederick and Jackson quietly fell into step behind her, she supposed she wasn't one to talk. Did that makes things better or worse? After her talk with Edith, she wasn't sure.

She needed to find Verdi. She hadn't thought that abstaining from her personal vice might be affecting her magic, or her control over herself, but that somehow made it more insidious. Indulge too deeply, and it would change her. Abstain too thoroughly, and it would weaken her. She rememberd, back in Gilneas, being told that it didn't matter whether she fought her nature or not, it would always win out in the end - had this been what Grandmother Winter had meant?

The suspicion weighed heavily on her thoughts. She needed to talk to Verdi. What they had was still new, still vulnerable, and if he wasn't made aware of her... situation... then it could endanger their relationship down the line. She felt a flutter in her chest just thinking about it. She didn't want to risk losing what she had only recently found.

[CautionCat]

Vanya wouldn't take long to find her newfound boyfriend (wow!), for they were relaxing by himself with Natasha, around a camp fire he made for himself. Their map supplies were out, and they were going over what had been noted. So much had been done in such a short time... he was amazed at what a very well equipped, strong party of adventurers could accomplish. He never dreamed of this- and now? A town for Bones to call her own?

Astonishing!

His tail twitched from side to side, excitement in his mind as he smirked to himself. After some time, he could hear someone approaching, and would look up to see who it was. The footsteps were light, so it wasn't Monte...

[Ancelas]

Vanya smiled to herself as she found Verdi in his element, and her smile broadened when he looked over to her. She approached and smoothed her skirts before settling herself down beside him.

"Back to business already? We've only been back in camp for an hour or two."

[CautionCat]

"I'm just going over what has been done... keeping a fresh thought about all of the things we've accomplished, and the tasks we have." He smiled, and reached an arm up to rest on her shoulders, giving her a big of a side hug. "How was your talk with Edith?"

[Ancelas]

Vanya felt a familiar warmth rise within her and she leaned against Verdi, focusing on his warmth instead. "Oh... interesting. Alina made a new friend - an emissary from the Feywild. It looks like there's a hag there that would like Edith to join her coven." She frowned faintly and let her eyes roam across the map and other materials laid out before them. "Edith is wary, of course. It's extraordinarily rare for a hag not to be malevolent... Edith is the first one I've ever met.

"And... then there's myself, I suppose..."

[CautionCat]

"Ah... interesting... New friends and hags offering invites to the feywilds..." It was always something, it seemed. "You haven't... well, you're a bit different with that. Do you... have a true form?"

[Ancelas]

"This one," Vanya said firmly - and with a little more force than she meant to. "Sorry," she said quickly. "This is me. I can change my appearance when I want to... but this is me. I'm... trying to keep it that way. And... I think it's gotten a little harder than I expected."

Vanya tilted her head to lay against Verdi's shoulder, mulling over her thoughts and feelings. "I never knew what I was, when I was a child. It wasn't until I was a little older that I began to... feel things... and learn their meaning. It is difficult to find a benevolent hag because their very blood is corrupted. It is like a curse, driving them to act on their worst impulses. To sin in service to their true nature..."

[CautionCat]

"Mmn..." Verdi frowned some, giving Vanya a squeeze of her shoulder with his hand. "Well, for what it's worth, you're doing a very good job. Using your magic, though, I can see the wickedness you're holding back. It's a bit frightening, but... I have confidence you are strong enough to keep it back."

"What impulses do you get? I'm not entirely familiar with what hags do, other than steal children..."

[Ancelas]

Vanya closed her eyes, feeling a twist of guilt and a surge of affection all at once. She pulled her head away from Verdi's shoulder and sat up, turning so that she could face him. Her eyes met his only briefly before she looked down, folding her hands in her lap.

"Mm... that they do. Others visit the dreams of mortals to tempt and taunt them. Some offer wicked deals, fulfilling wishes while placing horrible costs upon the asker. Gilnean tales are full of stories... but behind them all is a desire to protect themselves and expand their power. This is primarily done through covens... but it can also mean having offspring with mortals, in... one form or another."

Vanya winced, her hands plucking at her dress. "From what I gather, a hag's vices can be seen in what they do. I don't know what Edith's might be, and I feel it's impolite to ask, though I have some thoughts. As for mine... well... It... has to do with my... evenings... in Nyanzaru..."

[CautionCat]

"Ah..." Verdi nodded, watching her. She would go out late at night, and Verdi kind of guess what it was about. He always told her to be safe, though. To him, it just was a thought of natural desire. All things needed something like that, usually, if they felt the need to.

Verdi wasn't much for that. And he had a feeling they were going to have this conversation, eventually, but not this soon... But now it made more sense.

"I see... well... heh, I did not expect to have this conversation so soon. But we should discuss things like this. We've known each other for a while, now... and taking a more serious step into a relationship... mmmn."

"That explains a lot, actually. I kinda just thought you... well, just needed to go out and... do what you needed to do to. But how often, and so late at night..." He nodded, and scratched the back of his head, feeling a bit sheepish.

"I don't think I am ready to get... that intimate yet. I've only been in a situation like that once before, and well, we didn't get very far. I um... I got too skittish." To be fair, Monte being his first experience with any of that was probably a bad idea.

[Ancelas]

Vanya's face flushed with embarrassment. Gods, this was an awkward conversation to have. To have to have. The fact that Verdi was so calm and rational about it... she wasn't sure if that made it more awkward, or less.

"No, I'm not trying to... I know. I'm really not pushing for anything, and I really did not want to have this conversation so soon. But..." Vanya bit her lip and looked at Verdi. "When I left Gilneas, I was told that whether I fought my nature or not, it didn't matter - it would win out in the end. And lately... well, you've noticed. I think... I think my hold on myself... slips... sometimes. And Edith believes it's because I've been trying too hard to... suppress... that part of myself. Trying too hard to be good is making my curse stronger, almost like indulging too deeply would."

Some of her frustration and anger slipped into her voice and her expression. "Damned if I do, damned if I don't..."

Vanya paused, collecting herself, and watched Verdi warily. "But... I value what I have with you, and I will not pressure you into a situation you're uncomfortable with. So... I want to discuss a... a compromise."

[CautionCat]

Well, that was a hard choice to make. But it wasn't because she was promiscuous... it was her nature. What she was. That was something he would have to live with, if things worked out between them.

Was it really that bad? It wasn't like he would get jealous of that- of her going off and... being together with a stranger for empty reasons.

"Ah... you're asking me if you can... do things with others to help you... control your urges." Verdi scratched the side of his head, and watched her. "Well, if it means you stay like this, and be your true self, I... don't think I should stop you. That would be foolish, and selfish, I think."

[Ancelas]

Vanya let out a slow, steady breath, and raised her hands to gently cup Verdi's cheeks. A smile flickered across her face as relief flushed through her. "Do not dismiss your own feelings either - they are important to me. Which is why I wanted to talk to you first."

She moved one hand to his shoulder and used the other to lift his hand to her chest - right beneath her collar bone, over her heart. "This is me. And while we are together, I am yours. When I have to... step out... Vanya Kalterwald will remain with you, for as long as you would have her."

[CautionCat]

Verdi's cheeks flushed, now realizing Vanya may had have feelings for him for some time. Part of him felt like things said like this were a little too soon, but again... they had known one another for some time. There was probably a reason why she let him sleep on her couch all these years.

"O...Oh." His brows raised and his ears flicked up. "Well, I... I deeply appreciate that. And, to be honest, it doesn't really make me uncomfortable... I feel kinda... detached from feeling like that. I don't really get those urges much, if at all. It uh... I think it just takes some time for me to warm up to it."

He chuckled, and lifted his hand up to cup her cheek from her chest. "It's natural to want to... do things like that. Like an animal in heat, you uh... need to do what you must. There's some species of stout that actually... will perish if they don't mate. So I kind of see this as something like that. Until I am ready to help you..." His cheeks were quite flushed, tail coiling in embarrassment.

[Ancelas]

Vanya let out a sudden laugh. "Did you just compare me to a weasel in heat?"