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Post by Ancelas on Jan 9, 2023 19:59:06 GMT -5
"Hrm... no, I believe honesty is the best policy - save for when honesty will cause more harm than good. In that case, things get a bit... trickier. If we accept that the world is a complex place, and that we are complex people, it must also hold that we are subject to making complex decisions. If you are asking how to process and grapple with that complexity, then you are truly asking the correct questions.
"These secrets, and masks... these disguises. Can you determine if they were meant to hurt you?"
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Post by opius on Jan 9, 2023 20:15:32 GMT -5
Alastair frowned and looked back at the book. After some moments he pursed his lips and inflated his cheeks in one slow, controlled sigh. "I don't know. The rational part of me says they're there for a reason, and it's not about me. That my irritation and frustration is selfish. Another, less rational part of me is struggling to not feel... Slighted?" He shook his head and turned a page.
"That same rational part says that no, these secrets and masks are tools like any other. That they're not intended to harm me." He shook his head. "... But that just makes me feel like an unintended casualty of some... game. Some incomprehensible, infuriating game."
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Post by Ancelas on Jan 9, 2023 20:42:04 GMT -5
The dragonborn grunted softly. "It seems to me like you're struggling with trying to determine what is right and what is wrong using variables outside of your control or influence. If I see someone cheat at a game they are playing with a stranger, I may feel offended, but I am not certain if it would be my place to intervene. If the person being cheated is a friend, I would feel compelled to speak up on their behalf. If my friend was doing the cheated, I'd feel disappointed, and perhaps speak to them of it afterword. The nature of the thing - the game, the players, the cheating - has not changed, but my relation to it has. And that does not even take into account the purpose of the game, or it's outcome, or any number of variables that may be applicable."
Drummond gestured vaguely. "Right and wrong... they are difficult things to judge, and their meanings can change in any number of ways, based on any number of things. You can be angry at decisions made for right reasons, even as you acknowledge the decisions had to be made. The one thing does not preclude the other - but if you're looking for a single, objective answer to guide you... well. Aren't we all, heh."
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Post by opius on Jan 9, 2023 21:00:24 GMT -5
He quirked his lips to the side and cocked a brow slightly. It was a frank and almost stern look that quickly broke with another round of slight head shaking. "...For as much of a non-answer as that seems, you've given me a lot to think about. My... relationship with your order is... It's something I intend to work on. It's not something I intend to just turn my back to and pretend doesn't exist- I want to understand it and see it as something... Good. Or at least something that isn't tied to my own personal problems. It's fascinating, it's... impressive, at times." He looked back to the book.
"If I want to welcome him in," he tapped his chest briefly, "And extend that same welcome to those like him, reciprocate what I've felt here, I've got to change myself and how I think about him and the rest of you. I can't change an entire culture, and I can't approach it like a puzzle now can I?" He pursed his cheeks and glanced back at Drummond.
"So maybe the best way to frame my thought would be to... Try and adopt the same duality you Wanderers and Travelers do. I can be happy that Alain is in my life. I can also be mad at him for what he did- even if it was for all the right reasons. I can be flummoxed by the carefree side your people show, and impressed by the wit you don't. It can be both, and maybe that's a completely normal, irrational, human way to feel about the matter."
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Post by Ancelas on Jan 10, 2023 21:17:48 GMT -5
"Now you're getting it," Shepherd Drummond said with a laugh. "None of us can speak for anyone but ourselves. If I might indulge, I might say that I can speak for the Refuge. You may find other followers of the Wanderer less appealing, but I hope you remember us in a fonder light.
"Now, I can't help but notice that you mentioned a certain name, there. Am I to understand the two of you are related, then?"
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Post by opius on Jan 10, 2023 21:36:16 GMT -5
He blinked some, a little furrow in his brows. And then he shook his head. "Gods- Right. I'm still assuming I'm the only one not in the secret-" He laughed and scratched his head.
"Yes, Alain's my um. He's my dad. I've... only just recently met him. Well, no. That's not quite true- I met him months ago in Astor City, but he was..." He trailed off and looked back at the book, curbing his language. "...it wasn't immediately evident. I believe he knew who I was and wasn't ready to tell me right there and then. Or maybe it was still too dangerous- he'd made a lot of enemies as an adventurer. Or maybe it was a uniquely 'him' problem and that's just one of the answers he hid behind. Maybe it was more than just one reason." He licked his lips.
"But now I know, and I want to make things work between us. I want to catch up on lost time, even if I'm angry doing it."
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Post by Ancelas on Jan 11, 2023 7:54:38 GMT -5
Shepherd Drummond nodded slowly. "You will need to determine your own path through this sort of bramble thicket. There is no single 'right' way. If I may advise, though... focus on what you want from the relationship. Your anger is justified, but when we cling too closely to what has wronged us, and what we regret, we blind ourselves to what is possible.
"To learn from the past is wisdom. To dwell upon it is folly."
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Post by opius on Jan 11, 2023 10:29:03 GMT -5
Alastair went to speak, but found his words stifled when he gave the words a little more thought. Where he knew fear was a mind killer, he'd often considered anger to be a kind of... Motivator. Spite could drive innovation in it's own special way. Indignation had gotten him through a number of difficult moments.
But in these last few months he'd seen some incredibly bad decision making born from anger. He touched his lip with the end of the scribe's chisel and thought for several hard moments. Had his own anger gotten in the way of a better choices? He remembered the first forge, the warforged bodies in wrecked heaps and his vow for non civility in that moment. Was that much different from Taliesin's quest for vengeance? Or the Goliath camp... How many of those casualties were necessary, really?
He shook his head. Drummond spoke of the future, looking forward with eyes open. There was a slight smile on his face. "Thank you, Shepherd. I'll think on that."
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Post by Ancelas on Jan 12, 2023 18:14:46 GMT -5
Drummond nodded and moved to walk past Alastair, patting him on his shoulder as he did so. "Eyes up. Ears open. Learn what you can from everyone you can. That, ultimately, is the way of the Wanderer."
His final words spoken, Drummond began to hobble off.
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Post by opius on Jan 12, 2023 20:00:32 GMT -5
Alastair nodded and looked to Drummond as he passed, but said no more. He was contemplative. Maybe even a little reassured by some things said. It was a bit of a bumpy, hilly road emotionally lately, and just... Talking aloud helped smooth those angles out.
He returned to the book after Drummond had left, tapping the scribe's chisel on his lip like one would a pen. And eventually he sighed and turned a page. "The way of the Wanderer, huh..." Musing aloud, he continued to work in the dim and musty archives.
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